my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
