Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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