Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
