I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
