They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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