Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
