so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
