she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
