honey bunches of taint.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
