I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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