Apparently you make a good broom.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
