i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
