Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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