Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
