worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
