She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
