dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
