his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
