wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
handjob tips. give me some.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
