He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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