I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize