lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
