i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
