he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
