I think I won the penis lottery.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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