I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
