i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
