I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
