I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
