Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
