hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
