O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
