Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
