And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
