just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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