he wants to bone in the snuggie
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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