I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
