doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
