It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
