I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I currently don't understand fingers.
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