note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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