there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
bring money and cleavage
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
