bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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