tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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