Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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