wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
