I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't deserve a penis
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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