WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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