there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
that may or may not have been my penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
