I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize