Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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