I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
