He kissed a someone with a penis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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