This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize