He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
