cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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