i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
