I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
