hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
