The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
