how can u be prego again
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
