I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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