I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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