we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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