foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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