Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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