I cannot find my penis.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
