omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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