Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
