2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize