Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
