I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize