Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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