Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize